new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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