It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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