I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
