I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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