I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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