No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
