you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
