I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Randomize
