Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
