WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
