Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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