im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
