at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
