Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
