____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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