Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
