I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
