I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
