So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
