shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
