She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
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yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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