Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
