I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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