TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
