i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
