Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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