So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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