these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
