I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
