im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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