Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
