we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
