I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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