Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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