There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
