My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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