when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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