His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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