I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
