Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
