We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
