I think I am morally bankrupt
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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