Screwed.edu
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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