rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize