I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
