I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
