You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
