You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
