Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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