dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
