I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
