The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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