my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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