I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize