i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
