i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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