he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
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I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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