I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
