my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
