i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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