i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
