Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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