So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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