It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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