Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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